The Husband’s situation hasn’t improved. In fact, it’s hasn’t gone anywhere. Immediately after receiving word that he would miss the age cutoff by just 2 months, the waiver was filled out and filed. The saddest part about all of this is that the age restriction isn’t an Air Force restriction, but an AFROTC restriction. The Husband will, in fact, make the Air Force’s cutoff for flight school. This is all about paperwork that needs to filter through the system from ROTC to Active Duty. From what I’m told (because he’s not exactly vocal these days) is that the colonel here has sent his waiver to three separate people, the colonel followed up 2 weeks later to be told that not a single one of them had even looked at the paperwork. The colonel immediately contacted their superiors but there hasn’t been an update since.
I came home tonight from a much-needed pampering session to find The Husband had removed all of his awards, medals, coins… every single thing from his man cave that had anything to do with his military career. Everything that had anything to do with who he is. I asked what was going on and got a very evasive answer about not being able to concentrate. The man I married was hanging on those walls. The achievements, the fighter. A huge piece of my heart went into the boxes with his things.
I’m at a loss for what to do.
The Brother suggested making an appointment with the Colonel. The Husband immediately knocked that down saying that he sees the colonel three days a week, that an appointment would be unnecessary. No use, he says. The colonel is aware of the situation and will give him an update when there is one.
I say it’s not time to give up. He says it is. How do I go about motivating him? How do I make him believe in himself like I do? How do I get him to lower the flag of surrender?
I thought, a while ago, when I started this site that I was at the lowest of my life. I realize, that’s not true. As a rule, I know I am responsible for my own happiness. I know I’m responsible for my actions. I also know… that my heart is so wrapped up in this man that his disappointment… his anger… it’s as good as my own.
He won’t talk to anyone, in fact when asked about the situation he just becomes more angry and upset. With him, I’m a talker. I want to talk the situation out, make sure every stone has been turned, every curtain pulled back, every person questioned. I want to fix this for him. I want to make the situation go away.
The truth is, no one can fix this for him. It’s a military politics thing. So we wait. We wait. We wait. I wish he’d play the political game. It’s not who he is though. If it were me, I’d call an old commander. I’d say hey… I’ve got this problem. Can you call someone at Maxwell? Can we work on this? But this isn’t just my own personal hell… it’s just mine to share… so what I would do doesn’t factor into this situation at all.
His prior service isn’t a factor. To the people at Maxwell who would approve the exception… it doesn’t matter who he is, where he’s been… how long and faithfully he served.
My impatience has nothing to do with the outcome of this situation but more with dealing with this boiling inside of me. How is it possible to be strong, happy and alive each and every moment? How is it possible to show support, strength and courage? I believe in him… I believe that it’s going to work out.
I believe that God has put us in this situation for a reason.
I believe that God will pull me through this.
I believe that God will ease the pain.
I believe that God will open someone’s eyes to this situation, that He will make certain that this is someone’s priority.
I believe, that through this crazy website and all of the tools involved in this… that God has given me a military family again. Whether military family, civilians, whoever you are… thank you. Really. Thank you for sitting here in the midst of my personal hell. Thank you for the messages and emails. Thank you for being here while I ramble in my ADD way.
I know I said it on fb but I am going to say it again. I am praying for you two. Every joy and heartache our soul mates face, so must we.
From what I’ve learned, life doesn’t spare us when it comes to disappointment. There are always a million “what ifs” that prevent us from gaining perspective. I know, I’ve been there. There have been times when it was difficult to see anything positive or joyful in my life. Things were that bleak.
We’re all part of something so much bigger than us. Often I find myself overwhelmed by this thought. How can something so multidimensional hold any certainty at all? I’ve even become frozen over this thought, and like a hamster in a wheel, have simply spun around. But it’s times like this that our faith can pull us through, much like what you are finding now. It’s not easy, nor does it mean we don’t feel pain. But, there are times when we have to believe that as one door closes, another opens. When we are stretched emotionally, that’s when we can find resolve and growth.
I can only imagine how deeply your husband must feel! I suppose that suggestions are difficult for him to take right now. So words of love are what you can offer, in fact they’re what he needs the most. The two of you are stronger when you go through things together. He’s not those medals and awards: those are the fruit of his character. He couldn’t have earned any of them were it not for the values, ethics, & compassion he holds deep inside. Those are still there.
Hang in there. Your friends are all pulling together to get you through this.
Delta,
I’m not sure exactly what you can do in this situation. But I’ll let you know what I did for my hubby. For the past year now, he’s gotten to the point where his job is no longer something he loves. He works for a local National Guard base. 4 months ago I got fed up with the depression and how he’d lash out at me for something at work where I had no control over it. So, I went over his head. I contacted his former boss, who is now the head boss over the base, and let him know what was going on as much as my husband had told me. I prayed over this, because this was a huge step that could backfire in my face if hubby found out. Thankfully, the Captain is a Christian himself and very easy to talk with. Once we hashed out that PTSD wasn’t the culprit, the Cpt promised to sit down with hubby and talk to him, keeping it to himself that I told him what was going on. He did and hubs came home feeling a lot better after that.
Work still sucks, cause my hubby has outgrown the job. But now I have someone looking after him and making sure things aren’t happening like before. And the Cpt still checks up on him. My husband still doesn’t know I did this, and I’m keeping a tight lid on it. When he’s done, I might let the cat out of the bag, but not until then.
Keep praying, keep seeking. And if you have to, go over his head to the right person. That’s the one thing I’ve learned as a military wife and a wife in general. When a milwife starts barking up trees, those in command tend to move, but this is what I’ve seen from the National Guard side, don’t know about Air Force. The guys try to shoulder all the burden, but we can help with the load, whether they know it or not.
I think you are on the right track. Take some good advice from Winter Peck. I had to do this for my husband and son and daughter all as either active duty or retired. Stepping in is not budding in it is stepping up. It is support when the one you love has been down so much they need someone to step up, in,over, or around. Yep the risk seems great, however is it worth having to ask yourself, “if only I had done something”? Let God do His job, realize what you can change with His help and what you can’t and move forward. I know Our God is bigger than ANY problem. I lost my husband to Agent Orange Cancer and I never have had to say to myself, If only I had! If you don’t know where to start go to the Chaplin when he asks what can I do to help TELL don’t ask tell him what action to take. When two or more pray seeking Gods help He definitely hears
Hey Delta
I am not really sure exactly what the problem is by the email but whatever it is I really hope it works out for you and your husband. I am sure you will do everything in your power to see him through this however it plays out.
here if you need me
Heidi
Checkin’ in to say hi!
As I read this? I keep hearing: “Where 2 or 3 are gathered in my Name, there will I be..”
Praying for your situation..Let Go and Let God..
Much love and faith.